Two close friends of mine decided to move from North Jersey to South Jersey around the same time last year, knowing few others in the area.
I was so
impressed with their sense of adventure, as I viewed it, and their determination
to work toward a fulfilling next chapter of their lives...plus I was excited,
since I’d be able to see them more.
I started to
wonder how I’d fare if I were to move and would need to make new buddies. It
would be hard – I know this about myself – given how spoiled I’ve been making friends
organically just from going about my everyday business. But making attempts
intentionally to expand my circle of go-to women? I could see this being a
daunting task.
Talking with
these lovely ladies, I was aware of some of their efforts to socialize, both fruitful
and disappointing. One told me she developed an instant rapport with her new
dental hygienist when they discovered some similarities, all while getting her
teeth cleaned (she’s an incredible multi-tasker)! The other had joined a couple
of “Meet Up” groups and these gatherings produced a variety of characters
including, most importantly, a potential good pal or two.
It occurred to me a few months ago that these two have a lot in common and that maybe, just maybe, they’d really like each other too. Although I wondered if I should just mind my own business (b-o-r-i-n-g), I decided against that and asked them if they would be interested in meeting each other. I was thrilled when they responded positively, and we set up a brunch date.
The three of
us had a pleasant morning and, as we said our goodbyes, they so kindly thanked
me for sharing my friends with each other. This, I noted, was yet another notch
under commonalities: they appreciated this opportunity to make a curated acquaintance
and, as an added bonus, break bread with yours truly 😊.
Not many
years ago, I’d never have thought to do this. I made a lot of assumptions back
then that I now know are incorrect: 1 – In middle age, people have outgrown the
need or desire for companionship; 2 – “Fixing up” is for romantic – not
platonic – relationships; and 3 – There may not be enough time left to create a
long history with someone new – so why bother?
Getting to
know such warm, compassionate, and fun women in recent years has been a true
gift. I have had no expectations of making friends – as I mentioned above – and
in this space of just enjoying the moment and not looking for more, casual
connections have continued to build.
I’ve also
experienced two new friendships from the loss of dear friends who passed away. One
very sweet woman said something along these lines to me when our precious
friend was sick last winter: “You are great friends with Karen; I am great
friends with Karen, so I think this might mean you and I could be great friends
with each other” – and that is what happened.
Girlfriends –
old and new, and all those in-between – truly are the best!
