David and I have a “shtick” that keeps us in check. It started with my calling him out on various habits he has, like leaving trails of crumbs where he sits or empty wrappers around the house. About a year ago, he started to say, “If that’s the worst thing I do...” meaning to him that our essence as a couple should carry more weight than the living together minutia that can get in the way.
Although I
usually chuckle when he says that because I think it’s a genuinely funny way to
get himself off the hook when I make a grievance or two, I am OK with his
good-natured retort because I also know he’s heard me and will pay more
attention going forward.
What I
appreciate most about the comment is that it reminds me quickly and in a gentle
manner of the “big picture”: this relationship is something I cherish and want
to preserve, so what I say and do – when I am paying attention – is in accordance
with that.
While marriage
and friendship are obviously different animals, I’ve come to view my
friendships in much the same way: as living organisms that need to be nourished
as best I can. I thank my lucky stars for the dear friends who are there for me
– in spirit if not always in person – and am so appreciative for the guidance
they have provided for me to be a better friend, just by being who they are.
There are
situations when a time conflict gets in the way and leads to my missing a significant
event in a friend’s life. I am saddened when I know I’ve disappointed someone
important to me: if I couldn’t attend a wedding or baby shower or naming, or
maybe I forgot to ask about a doctor’s appointment or unintentionally said
something bothersome, and so on. I am grateful to the friends who did not hold
these disappointments against me because they believed in the big picture of
our friendship. Unknowingly, they taught me how I’d want to handle similar
situations.
We live in
an enormous world filled with all kinds of people. When we find individuals who
“get” us, and we in turn “get” them, we are given the greatest gift possible.
