Where Do I Start?

Today is the first day of my first blog which my second husband has inspired me to name "Marriage, Divorce & Everything Inbetween.”  This is where I’m hoping we can share the myriad of thoughts that most of us in middle age - or should I say those of us who have celebrated our 29th birthday multiple times - ponder.

To start off, let me introduce myself.  I’ve been a freelance writer for The Central Record for 14 years. I’m also a patient care coordinator for a pediatric practice. There was an 11-year lapse in employment while I stayed home with three young ones whose ages span a six-year time frame.  I married for the first time at 24, divorced at 38 when my eldest was 11, and remarried nearly a decade ago, picking up two step kids in the process. I’m very sad to say that my 20 year-old stepson passed away three years ago as the result of a very aggressive cancer called Rhabdomyosarcoma.

When such a tragedy occurs—as well as infinite other circumstances causing emotional, physical or financial turmoil—it wreaks havoc, inevitably changing the way we think and act.  By our 50s, if not way before, many of us find it very challenging to wake up with the energy and optimism that characterized our youth. Sometimes it doesn’t seem possible that I will ever be able to have fun again or a reason to laugh or that I would have anything positive to offer with my damaged psyche. One rough day blends into the next and before long it’s Wednesday—time to take out the trash, again—and color my hair, renew my medication, give my doggy his monthly flea treatment...and I find myself wondering are these robotic tasks the summation of my middle-aged existence?

So while my once-dreamy notions about the future have been replaced by over 50 years of real life experiences—some of which are barely manageable—and the reminder every time I look in the mirror that I’m not 16 but older than three times that, I was startled to find a bright spot pop into my thoughts.

It all started with a visit to my mom—by the way she is 96—and her smile when she saw me.  A few hours later my husband told me that he’s excited to leave work for our “date night” and gave me a nice big hug when he got home. The next morning I joked around with a dear co-worker, made plans to spend the day at the beach with my girlfriend, spent an hour enjoying the fresh air with my longtime walking/talking buddy, topped off the day with hot tea and conversation at a local hotspot, and each of my kids tracked me down via texting or a phone call or on Facebook…

While connecting with everyone is a job in itself, it dawned on me recently how rewarding these relationships are and how lucky I am at this stage of my life to have discovered such a fun and meaningful perk of aging.  It isn’t that I now have more friends or better friends; it’s that I am aware of my newfound appreciation for the special people in my world, who I absolutely adore.  They are my lifeline.      

And for that, I’m deeply and forever grateful.

If you can relate, please share…

Judy