I’m lucky that I’m a pretty good sport about sharing with my
ex-husband, since taking turns to be with the kids is how we divorced parents
roll. My crew went to their dad’s the
same nights each week until they left for college and, to this day (15 years
after we separated), the plan to be with me one year and their dad the next for
Thanksgiving dinner remains in effect.
I realize that sharing the kids for the holidays is the only
fair thing to do, but I have to admit that there are times I just don’t want to
do that. What gets me is not the
compromise of the situation (well, maybe somewhat—after all, I AM the mom!) but
rather the more complex matter of not feeling whole without my kids. The
emotions are further complicated when the gathering includes my niece and
nephew, who I am certain will ask where their cousins are when I walk in to my
brother’s house on Thursday.
Since this is the holiday to give thanks, I suppose I should
just man up and be grateful that I get to spend every other year with them
while we stuff our faces with turkey and not focus on the years I don’t get to
look at them across the table.
This is most likely just temporary anyway, as they will have
families of their own at some point and then even more parents to please and
add to the holiday rotation, unless they just buck the system and start their
own traditions at home which cannot possibly include everyone anyway. I will be ahead of the game at that time, as
parents of intact families won’t be comfortable with sharing their kids at all,
and I’ll be a pro, at least in theory.
It is very difficult to "share" our children with other families. It can be their dad's new family or their new spouse's family but we need to keep in mind the big picture that our children are fortunate to have so many people to spend holidays with and who want to spend holidays with them. That being said, I agree with you Judy that it stinks to not have all your children surrounding you on Thanksgiving. Happy Holidays to All.
ReplyDeleteI agree it's wonderful when their circle expands and they have others to be with who want to be with them. This is how life is supposed to be and of course it's good to know the kids are moving into adulthood surrounded by loved ones. For the most part I am thrilled to see the kids grow up, but there are times I still long for the days when it was a given that we were one unit. Thanks for sharing!
DeleteI have different circumstances where I am the stepmom (with whom the step child has lived full time since I married their father). My husband's favorite holiday is Thanksgiving, yet his child gets to go to their mother every Thanksgiving. I guess he feels like he gets to see his child every day, so the least he can do is give his ex the opportunity to spend the holiday with them. This bothers me because I feel we should also have a go at the holidays with all of our children too (not just my children). I feel our family holiday memories never include all of us; like this stepchild is missing from all of these memories.
ReplyDeleteI hope when they get married, they will include us in the holiday rotation so we can have our WHOLE family together at least on the occassional year.
I feel your longing to include all your kids - biological and step - in the making of family holiday memories. You've invested yourself in ALL your kids for a long time and would like to reap the benefits, and you deserve to. Can your stepdaughter take turns being with her mom and dad on alternating years, or is it assumed she'll be with her mom each year?
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