All in a Life

Last week, my former brother-in-law, Peter Heiman, passed away at just 60 years old, from bowel cancer. He is survived by his loving wife and two adult sons and an assortment of family members, including nieces and nephews, brothers, and in-laws.

People came from far and wide to participate in his Celebration of Life, with speakers sharing a slew of memories that created a heartwarming picture of a man who will be so warmly remembered and greatly missed.  

With every person who spoke, I wondered if Peter had any idea that they had such soft spots in their heart for him. Did he know, for just two examples of many, that his love and devotion to “The Oldies” music from as far back as the 1950s has been passed on to the next generation(s) in multiple families? Did he realize that not only are these tunes enjoyable but, due to his association with them, these songs also have the power to comfort? Did he know that not only did he teach his younger relatives to drive a stick shift, but thinking about these experiences are among their favorites ever and, 20+ years later, they are still laughing about those days?

We cross paths with lots of people over the years and whether we are aware of how we are seen or not, we leave some kind of impression. Hopefully our impact is positive or of a caring or inspirational nature or a lot of fun or some other really good stuff. Perhaps some of these relationships really are true gifts.   

We connect, we form a bond, we leave our mark...as do the individuals we get to know. We might be clear on what they mean to us, but are they aware how we see them? Likewise, are we tuned in to how they see us?

Talking to one another so openly could be hard to do, as many of us by nature may not be communicative about our innermost feelings. We might be embarrassed to reveal so much about ourselves or feel awkward to emote when we don’t know how the other person will react.

Perhaps we have considered telling our thoughts but, for whatever the reason, we decided to wait...and, at times, could have missed our opportunity.

Whether we tell or don’t tell, know or don’t know, I’m not sure it really matters in the scheme of things...but I do believe Peter would’ve really appreciated knowing what a difference he made in so many lives.