Last Sunday was the 8th Mother’s Day without my mom, and boy, I miss her.
No one could
talk to me like she did, and her absence is magnified every time I have a
difficult situation to contend with, because she handled me so well. She was
able to balance comforting me with loftier goals such as keeping me in check,
focusing on the big picture, and creating timeless teaching moments that I
could call upon to help in future scenarios, too.
For most of
the topics I brought up – from work to parenting to all kinds of personal
relationships – her responses were delivered in the same 5 steps. She would: 1
– listen; 2 – show compassion toward me; 3 – show compassion toward everyone
else; 4 – challenge me; 5 – recommend actions I could take that would contribute
to the greater good.
Sometimes
these discussions didn’t play out so smoothly, as she may have missed the mark
on what was reasonable for me to do or not do. I wasn't always in the mood for her self-improvement
guidance: “Go back to school, Judy”; her suggestions on
how-to-make-the-world-a-better-place: “Form a union at the doctors’ office for
all employees to benefit, Judy”; or her belief that that I’m making things
worse when I let my emotions get the best of me: “Don’t be so angry, Judy.”
I remember
thinking “Easy for you to say,” or “That’s not going to work in my life,” yadda
yadda, but the fact that this woman I thought so highly of had these ideas made
me pause and think about perspectives that I hadn’t considered.
There were times,
however, that I just wanted to vent to my mommy and not subject myself to the
whole rigmarole that had become our dance, but I generally gave up on that in
favor of having yet another opportunity to hear what Florence was thinking.
She also
gave lots of unsolicited opinions, much of which I didn’t appreciate at the
time and I’m sure she noticed my eye rolling but, luckily, that didn’t stop
her. I stored these pearls of wisdom away and marvel today at how she managed
to work them in – a skill I haven’t mastered but am working on 😊 – such as: be kind to each other,
eat together as a family, siblings should help one another, give your friends
the benefit of the doubt, don’t focus too much on yourself, read the newspaper,
rinse out plastic bags, wear shoes with laces, plant flowers and spend time in
nature, get involved in your community and so on.
I often
think about my mom when I am wanting to give my kids advice, solicited or not.
They may not always react well at the time, but hopefully what they hear will
resonate sometime in the future.
