Mother's Day

Last Sunday was the 8^th Mother’s Day without my mom, and boy, I miss her.

No one could talk to me like she did, and her absence is magnified every time I have a difficult situation to contend with, because she handled me so well. She was able to balance comforting me with loftier goals such as keeping me in check, focusing on the big picture, and creating timeless teaching moments that I could call upon to help in future scenarios, too.    

For most of the topics I brought up – from work to parenting to all kinds of personal relationships – her responses were delivered in the same 5 steps. She would: 1 – listen; 2 – show compassion toward me; 3 – show compassion toward everyone else; 4 – challenge me; 5 – recommend actions I could take that would contribute to the greater good.  

Sometimes these discussions didn’t play out so smoothly, as she may have missed the mark on what was reasonable for me to do or not do. I wasn't always in the mood for her self-improvement guidance: “Go back to school, Judy”; her suggestions on how-to-make-the-world-a-better-place: “Form a union at the doctors’ office for all employees to benefit, Judy”; or her belief that that I’m making things worse when I let my emotions get the best of me: “Don’t be so angry, Judy.”

I remember thinking “Easy for you to say,” or “That’s not going to work in my life,” yadda yadda, but the fact that this woman I thought so highly of had these ideas made me pause and think about perspectives that I hadn’t considered.  

There were times, however, that I just wanted to vent to my mommy and not subject myself to the whole rigmarole that had become our dance, but I generally gave up on that in favor of having yet another opportunity to hear what Florence was thinking.     

She also gave lots of unsolicited opinions, much of which I didn’t appreciate at the time and I’m sure she noticed my eye rolling but, luckily, that didn’t stop her. I stored these pearls of wisdom away and marvel today at how she managed to work them in – a skill I haven’t mastered but am working on 😊 – such as:  be kind to each other, eat together as a family, siblings should help one another, give your friends the benefit of the doubt, don’t focus too much on yourself, read the newspaper, rinse out plastic bags, wear shoes with laces, plant flowers and spend time in nature, get involved in your community and so on.

I often think about my mom when I am wanting to give my kids advice, solicited or not. They may not always react well at the time, but hopefully what they hear will resonate sometime in the future.