With a little encouragement from my “beach coach” and a lot of talking to myself, I was able to spend a couple delightful days at the beach this summer, just like old times.
After being
traumatized by skin cancer on my face five years ago, I had been unable to get
past my fear of the sun. It had, so sadly, become my arch enemy, with the
message from my dermatologist to be extra vigilant echoing in my head until I
decided no sun for me, maybe ever again. I had basically told myself to be
grateful for all my beach-related memories of the past...and move on.
This summer,
however, I felt the powerful allure of the beach – or, as my mom would have
said – I could hear it calling my name. I wanted so badly to join my friends
who invited me for the day, so I made the decision that instead of saying “No”
this time around, I would quickly say “Yes” and would NOT back out.
Still,
however, I was wracked with concern that I was being irresponsible while also
realizing that people with skin cancer can still go to the beach...and enjoy
themselves too. All this Should I? or Shouldn’t I? was making me
nuts, yet what I really wanted deep down was to overcome my fear, figure out
how to feel safe, and go.
It was an
odd position to be in, having to psyche myself up for something that I really wanted
to do. While I’ve had to rev up for plenty of things I didn’t want
to do – like hang out with someone who I didn’t care for, clean the bathroom,
or weed in the garden – I can’t recall when I last had to push myself to do
something that I really, really wanted to do.
It’s not
like I was talking about skydiving or something universally recognized as being
risky. All I’d be doing was parking my behind on the chair for a few hours.
Enter my
beach coach. She too has had facial skin cancer, and we’ve discussed many times
the sad quandary that the forbidden love of the beach has presented. This
summer with her desire to spend time playing in the sand with her grandkids,
she was able to move past her uneasiness. She got out there with a full set of
armor – a hat, umbrella, and everything else needed to protect herself – and
with a mindset that she was going to 1 – savor the experience and 2 – NOT think
about skin cancer.
Ironically,
I was texting with her the morning I was getting ready for my first beach date.
She sensed my trepidation and gave me an inspirational pep talk, telling me to
push my worries off to the side and Have A Blast!
I did just
that. I covered my body from head to toe,
not even wearing a bathing suit but rather light beach-type clothing. I donned
a wide-brimmed hat with a little tie underneath that came in quite handy with
the wind. I reapplied sunscreen on the exposed areas multiple times. I
basically looked like my mom the last time she was on the beach with my kids
and me, when she was in her late 80s some 20 years ago, although I do think she
wore a bathing suit, because my daughter still remembers walking in on her when
she was putting it on.
The
amazingly blue landscape of the Atlantic Ocean as it met the sky took my breath
away; being up close and personal with it was thrilling. I had forgotten how
amazing it was to behold the seas glistening beneath the sun and to hear the loud
roars of the waves as they crashed into the shore. Great conversation filled
the time, and I even got a snooze or two in. There is absolutely nothing like sleeping
on the beach.
Worrisome thoughts
did float around my brain from time to time, but I continued to push them away,
telling myself that I can be careful and have fun at the same time...and that life
isn’t going to be very interesting or rewarding if I get in the habit of saying
NO more than YES.
