When I see my son and sons-in-law shower their babies – our grandchildren – with love and affection, I feel so warm and fuzzy inside.
It’s a
beautiful thing to see our daughters and daughter-in-law also display such delight;
I can still feel the thrill I felt around my babies, even
though it’s been decades since giving birth.
But, for
some reason, watching a dad immersed in the magic of his little one stops me in
my tracks.
There’s just
something about seeing a grown man envelop a tiny baby in his massive hands, talk
several octaves above his own or so tenderly kiss the delicious cheeks of his toddler
that I find...captivating.
Creating
bonds with our young may feel like the most natural thing in the world, yet one
of the more challenging to maintain seems to be between fathers and daughters.
While
starting off as a love fest between daddy and baby daughter, this relationship becomes
more complex as she begins to mature and starts to develop a mind of
her own.
I’m surely
no expert on this, but it has always fascinated me given the changing role of
men and women in society. Back in the 1960s when I was a wee tot, my dad was responsible
for supporting the family and my mom, who also worked, handled the care of 2
boys and 2 girls and many other aspects of our lives.
Since my mom
was at home more often than my dad and spent eons of time and energy relating to me, I naturally began to gravitate more to her. Add to that the physical
and emotional tumult of my life when puberty set in and I got my period, needed
to shave and wear a bra, I’d never have thought to go to my dad. It would have
been too embarrassing to even talk to him about any one of these things even
though I was forced to when he caught me one day using his razor.
It was my
mom who took me shopping (until I could go with my friends); it was my mom I
went to when I wanted to talk about my girlfriends and boyfriends (and
husbands). She gave me her heart and wisdom, and I always knew my feelings were
safe with her.
There wasn’t
much to talk about with my dad; we lived on different planets, without a bridge
linking them. I remember being so excited in high school that I had a boyfriend
who smoked cigars; I thought this might ignite conversation and interest with
my cigar-smoking dad but let’s just say...he wasn’t impressed.
For the most
part, I didn’t think much about the individual roles of mom and dad until I
became a mom. That’s when I realized how unprepared I was as a new
parent wanting to raise happy, confident, kind and well-rounded kids. How would
this be accomplished? I had no clue, so I started reading everything and
talking to everyone.
It became
clear in my quest for information that both emotionally healthy moms AND dads have the potential to benefit their kids in infinite ways.
In today’s
families, with two working parents and shared duties to keep the household
running smoothly, both parents have the opportunity to participate in child
rearing. This means that the child can learn from and experience the best and
most unique qualities of mom AND dad on a regular basis.
Studies have
shown that while both parents have important roles to play, the relationship dad
has with his daughter can be life-defining, impacting her self-esteem, body
image, behavior, relationships, academics and so on. A daughter also benefits
greatly by learning about her dad and being exposed to his work, hobbies and
perspectives, as well as her mom’s.
In addition,
and so importantly, dads are likely their daughters’ first and most influential
role model, setting the standard for expectations on how men should treat women
and what strong, healthy relationships look like.
In short –
after a very long blog post – I have high hopes for these men in my life to
give our grandchildren the very best they can, along with these amazing moms
I get to call my daughters.
