I heard a story recently about 2 young men in their 30s living together. They were friendly, not necessarily friends, and one saw that his roommate’s behavior had changed in a concerning manner. For a couple of weeks, the one man observed that the roommate had been staying in his room more than usual with the door closed; wasn’t talking much, going out or participating in activities or social gatherings; and maybe not eating or showering regularly. His demeanor had become alarming, and each day was more worrisome since he wasn’t bouncing back.
The man
tried in various ways to communicate with his roommate, but he didn’t know how
to reach him. Out of desperation and despite what young adults may feel should
be the last option, he decided to call his roommate’s parents.
They were so
very grateful; they were able to help him to get back to some sense of
normalcy.
In thinking
about this story and how proud I was of this man to call his roommate’s
parents, it occurred to me that we parents play a very unique role in our kids’
lives, regardless of their ages, for a few reasons: 1 – We have known our kids all
of their lives – through the ups and downs, the big moments, the struggles and
joys; 2 – We are forever rooting for their happiness and success; and 3 – We
have traversed many of the roads they are traveling on now (i.e. raising kids,
balancing work and family; and many more).
This dynamic
enables our kids to share whatever is on their minds – if they are open to it –
with people who know and love them and whose priority during that conversation is their well-being. The combination of this rare relationship coupled with
our being decades ahead of them in terms of age and life experience create an
opportunity for us to share perspective that they might not otherwise have and,
therefore, find valuable to consider.
Our children
– regardless of age – stand a lot to gain when they let us in. We can be a
quiet sounding board or a vocal one in a back-and-forth discussion. The more they
talk through their concerns and get others’ insight, the better, although in
the end it is their journey to navigate.
I look back
on the times my mom tried to steer me in a particular direction by moving me
away from one and on to another, as well as when she sat me down to talk about
something I was doing or not doing that may have troubled her. She didn’t shy
away from expressing her thoughts, which I both appreciated – because I knew her
motivation was pure – yet also disliked, because these exchanges were not
usually pleasant for me. Even though at times I wished she’d keep her thoughts
to herself, I always heard her out and mulled over what she said, because I
knew she wanted what she believed was best for me.
We live in a
world that can be very hard to manage at times for a variety of reasons, and
there’s really nothing like knowing there’s a mom and/or dad looking out for
us.
