A Day at the Beach

With a little encouragement from my “beach coach” and a lot of talking to myself, I was able to spend a couple delightful days at the beach this summer, just like old times.  

After being traumatized by skin cancer on my face five years ago, I had been unable to get past my fear of the sun. It had, so sadly, become my arch enemy, with the message from my dermatologist to be extra vigilant echoing in my head until I decided no sun for me, maybe ever again. I had basically told myself to be grateful for all my beach-related memories of the past...and move on.  

This summer, however, I felt the powerful allure of the beach – or, as my mom would have said – I could hear it calling my name. I wanted so badly to join my friends who invited me for the day, so I made the decision that instead of saying “No” this time around, I would quickly say “Yes” and would NOT back out.   

Still, however, I was wracked with concern that I was being irresponsible while also realizing that people with skin cancer can still go to the beach...and enjoy themselves too. All this Should I? or Shouldn’t I? was making me nuts, yet what I really wanted deep down was to overcome my fear, figure out how to feel safe, and go.   

It was an odd position to be in, having to psyche myself up for something that I really wanted to do. While I’ve had to rev up for plenty of things I didn’t want to do – like hang out with someone who I didn’t care for, clean the bathroom, or weed in the garden – I can’t recall when I last had to push myself to do something that I really, really wanted to do.  

It’s not like I was talking about skydiving or something universally recognized as being risky. All I’d be doing was parking my behind on the chair for a few hours.

Enter my beach coach. She too has had facial skin cancer, and we’ve discussed many times the sad quandary that the forbidden love of the beach has presented. This summer with her desire to spend time playing in the sand with her grandkids, she was able to move past her uneasiness. She got out there with a full set of armor – a hat, umbrella, and everything else needed to protect herself – and with a mindset that she was going to 1 – savor the experience and 2 – NOT think about skin cancer.  

Ironically, I was texting with her the morning I was getting ready for my first beach date. She sensed my trepidation and gave me an inspirational pep talk, telling me to push my worries off to the side and Have A Blast!

I did just that.  I covered my body from head to toe, not even wearing a bathing suit but rather light beach-type clothing. I donned a wide-brimmed hat with a little tie underneath that came in quite handy with the wind. I reapplied sunscreen on the exposed areas multiple times. I basically looked like my mom the last time she was on the beach with my kids and me, when she was in her late 80s some 20 years ago, although I do think she wore a bathing suit, because my daughter still remembers walking in on her when she was putting it on.

The amazingly blue landscape of the Atlantic Ocean as it met the sky took my breath away; being up close and personal with it was thrilling. I had forgotten how amazing it was to behold the seas glistening beneath the sun and to hear the loud roars of the waves as they crashed into the shore. Great conversation filled the time, and I even got a snooze or two in. There is absolutely nothing like sleeping on the beach.

Worrisome thoughts did float around my brain from time to time, but I continued to push them away, telling myself that I can be careful and have fun at the same time...and that life isn’t going to be very interesting or rewarding if I get in the habit of saying NO more than YES.