Girlfriends

Two close friends of mine decided to move from North Jersey to South Jersey around the same time last year, knowing few others in the area.

I was so impressed with their sense of adventure, as I viewed it, and their determination to work toward a fulfilling next chapter of their lives...plus I was excited, since I’d be able to see them more.     

I started to wonder how I’d fare if I were to move and would need to make new buddies. It would be hard – I know this about myself – given how spoiled I’ve been making friends organically just from going about my everyday business. But making attempts intentionally to expand my circle of go-to women? I could see this being a daunting task.   

Talking with these lovely ladies, I was aware of some of their efforts to socialize, both fruitful and disappointing. One told me she developed an instant rapport with her new dental hygienist when they discovered some similarities, all while getting her teeth cleaned (she’s an incredible multi-tasker)! The other had joined a couple of “Meet Up” groups and these gatherings produced a variety of characters including, most importantly, a potential good pal or two.

It occurred to me a few months ago that these two have a lot in common and that maybe, just maybe, they’d really like each other too. Although I wondered if I should just mind my own business (b-o-r-i-n-g), I decided against that and asked them if they would be interested in meeting each other. I was thrilled when they responded positively, and we set up a brunch date.

The three of us had a pleasant morning and, as we said our goodbyes, they so kindly thanked me for sharing my friends with each other. This, I noted, was yet another notch under commonalities: they appreciated this opportunity to make a curated acquaintance and, as an added bonus, break bread with yours truly 😊.

Not many years ago, I’d never have thought to do this. I made a lot of assumptions back then that I now know are incorrect: 1 – In middle age, people have outgrown the need or desire for companionship; 2 – “Fixing up” is for romantic – not platonic – relationships; and 3 – There may not be enough time left to create a long history with someone new – so why bother?

Getting to know such warm, compassionate, and fun women in recent years has been a true gift. I have had no expectations of making friends – as I mentioned above – and in this space of just enjoying the moment and not looking for more, casual connections have continued to build.

I’ve also experienced two new friendships from the loss of dear friends who passed away. One very sweet woman said something along these lines to me when our precious friend was sick last winter: “You are great friends with Karen; I am great friends with Karen, so I think this might mean you and I could be great friends with each other” – and that is what happened.

Girlfriends – old and new, and all those in-between – truly are the best!