Mother's Day 2026

I cherished the relationship I had with my mom – most of the time. One of her traits that I appreciated most when I was young was that she was very honest. I always knew where I stood with her. If she liked something I said or did, she was all in. If she didn’t approve, she let me know. Although we disagreed in certain situations, only my short bouts of teenage craziness caused a breakdown in communication.

When I reached my 20s, we began to experience more substantial issues and differences of opinion. While we would talk about them openly and honestly, these exchanges often left us in a weird space: one with air that was thick and with feelings that could not be resolved quickly. Our once harmonious dynamic changed and our disagreements became standstills. I struggled so much when we weren’t in sync because I was a mama’s girl. I was trying to navigate my life my way while at the same time longing for us to get back to normal.

Part of the problem, the way I see it now, was that our pattern of communication was all-or-nothing. We’d either talk about the matter, or we wouldn’t talk at all. My mom would get so focused on the conflict(s) that there was no room for casual dialogue. And because we lived an hour apart, both worked and I was raising children, we didn’t get the opportunity to see each other one-on-one or to clear the air.    

There were instances when we wrote letters to one another, but I often lacked the words – or a clear understanding of my own emotions, or hers – so I’m not sure those letters helped as much as we had hoped and may in fact have been harmful.

At that point in my life, the fragility of relationships didn’t enter my mind, nor did I realize that a tender touch in the midst of these rough periods could be reassuring and meaningful. It wasn’t until thinking about Mother’s Day this year that I started to replay some of those memories when my mom and I didn’t talk much because neither of us knew how to find our way out of the maze of hard feelings. It makes me so sad to reflect upon it now, because she was my favorite human in the world, and I didn’t tell her when she needed to hear it most.

Moments like this make me think about the role texting might have played in our relationship. I know she would have appreciated “reminder” messages during the dark times we experienced that said, “Thinking of you, missing you, let’s move on or I know things are tough between us right now but they will get better.” Or maybe I’d have sent emojis with hearts or flowers or the sun or photos of her grandchildren.

Back then, there was no easy way to stay connected other than calling one’s landline, and I don’t think I’d have braved the loud silence to say, “While we work through this, know I love you.”  Even now, that gesture feels awkward to me; however, sending cheerful images feels natural. These texts wouldn’t have been a replacement for conversation, but they may have brought warmth to those difficult stretches and served to bridge the gap until the situation between us softened. And, I know they would have lifted my mom’s spirits because beneath her strong exterior, she was very sentimental, gentle and loving.

Hopefully I will incorporate what I’ve learned about my relationship with my mom in a beneficial way with all the important people in my life.