Matthew

A few days ago, I read that in a city in Japan called Okinawa, there are over 900 people who have lived over 100 years.

This kind of impressive fact right now – as we approach the end of August – was a real shock to the system, given what was creeping up on the calendar.

Today – August 29, 2021 – is the 11^th anniversary of the passing of my stepson, Matthew Bandler Minches.

How is it conceivable that Matthew’s life abruptly ended when he was just 20 years old?

I am no further along with my “Why?” inquiries like “Why Matthew?” or “Why do bad things happen to good people?” or “Why take someone so young?” than I was when he got sick.

No matter how often I revisit these weighty questions in the hopes that they might lead me to experience internal peace, I have found no possible explanations mighty enough to stand up to such a heartbreaking and tragic loss.

A few days ago, I shared with David that my upcoming blog post would be about this longtime quest.

He was quick to respond that this is an impossible goal and that my efforts are futile. To make his point, he likened the emotions of Matthew’s passing to a person who has lost his or her leg. Whether it’s Day 1 or 1,000 or 10 or 20 years later, there are times when one forgets the loss and moves along in a “normal” way…but always returns to the reminder of the loss and sometimes it is just as painful as Day 1. He also said he knows that any good feeling is temporary.

He has shared with others who have suffered similar losses that the pain never goes away and that “you just have to learn to live with it.”  

Knowing David as I do, he has done a pretty good job of that.

Luckily, we have many memories that make us smile and one in particular always makes me laugh. I know I’ve shared it before, but it’s a special Sunday memory, and since today is Sunday, I can’t resist.

The Sunday rule that Matthew and I enforced was that David couldn’t say anything negative. I wouldn’t describe him as a negative person, but he’s a realist, and unfortunately a lot of topics we discussed led to his negative comments. However, Sundays were the one day that he had to refrain.

When he slipped, which happened often, Matthew would call him out on it. I can still recall those exchanges in my mind. 

He did this with such joy.