My almost-22
year-old daughter Amy came home during spring break.
As usual, we
spent much of it deep in conversation.
We spoke
about the feel of life when one approaches it as an optimist vs. as a pessimist. We spoke about the importance of
determination when proceeding with one's career aspirations. We spoke about believing in oneself.
Correction.
It wasn't really that "we" were espousing our philosophies on such weighty
topics; it was Amy, with enough enthusiasm for the two of us.
When I heard
myself respond, which instinctively was to temper her excitement with some
realism, she asked why I was being so negative.
I was
surprised to hear her refer to me as negative, but I could see her point. Yet, I also wondered - maybe an optimist sees
a realist as a pessimist?
Why, though,
did I have to react by showing concern about today's competitive job market? Why did I have to instill doubt that Amy's
wishes would be fulfilled? I should have just kept my mouth shut; obviously, whatever will be, will be. Besides, I'm wrong as often as I'm right,
truth be told.
Perhaps my
wanting to prepare her for something other than what she would consider an optimal outcome reflected my recollection of my own youth, when I
thought I could do anything, be anything, say anything, have anything, write
anything, and everything would work out.
Back then, I was invincible, just like Amy.
There was a
time I thought - and assumed, actually - that I'd become a therapist, write a
novel, have 4 kids, be old and gray with the same man, and live happily ever after.
So was it
sour grapes that made me respond by saying that life doesn't usually play out
the way we think it will? Or was it good
information for her to have, to store away, as if she doesn't know? She may have already figured this out. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know
life is rough. She's been around long
enough to have her own war stories.
I
appreciated that she asked me why I don't work on these goals now - the ones
that I still can, like becoming a therapist and/or writing a novel. YIKES. This is positive thinking to the max. I don't
think she would've appreciated hearing me say that I'd rather sit on the beach
and think about my goals than pursue any of them at this point.
To end our
conversation positively, and because I believe this, I told her it's a young
person's world we live in - it's her
world - and society is relying on her passion for life and making her dreams
come true, along with all the other young folks out there, to make this world a better place.
I have
thought about this exchange of ours for days.
Clearly I am
not the same person that I was at 22, although that young lady may still be
lurking within, at times making her voice known.
Judy, I LOVE this blog!!! It is so hard for us to hear our children express what we think are unrealistic thoughts; or maybe better put, goals or dreams that we think may not be easily reached in today's world. I am unlike you, and find it hard to present the "real world" to my children. My son is a lot like Amy and looks at life very optimistically (and sometimes, I think, unrealistically). I think he takes after me (LOL). I am so afraid to burst his bubble by telling him, for instance, that in order to reach this goal or that goal, he needs to work harder than he is already working (it is not going to fall in his lap!). I don't want him to lose the excitement he has, but I want him to realize that in order to get what he wants he has to work harder. I tend to use my optimism and go with his wave of excitement and start telling him all the things he has to do to get to his goal. My husband, on the other hand is more like you and tends to point out the hard realities of life and the fact that certain goals may not be able to be met and he should always have back up plans, etc... I cringe when he does this because I don't want to see my son's feelings get hurt.
ReplyDeleteWhat I love so much about you, and why I think you should become a therapist by the way, is that you were able to listen to her and take what she said and end your conversation so positively and put her out there to save the world and make it a better place, which I know sweet Amy will do:)
I agree with you about sitting on the beach and thinking about our goals rather than pursuing them at this stage of our lives:) Celestine
I went to see the 2nd MarigoldHotel movie this weekend and was very inspiring and fun to see OLD people finding and achieving new goals and dreams. It is never too late and there are always new dreams! So your daughters right....dust off that novel! After all, you started this great blog not too long ago...
ReplyDeleteSharon