Now Is The Time

A few people I know, I’m so sad to say, lost their parents during the pandemic.

Due to tight restrictions in nursing homes, these family members hadn’t been allowed to visit and there had been little to no face-to-face communication for several weeks or months, or longer.

I can’t even imagine how painful this separation was for all the parties involved, especially when it became clear that the final days were imminent. 

It’s been 15 years since my dad’s passing, and I still think about what transpired the day before he passed.

I happened to be alone with him in the hospital for a brief period of time. My mom announced that she was going to step outside to get some fresh air (and maybe a cigarette!) and none of my siblings were in his room, so he and I were on our own.

Nervous that he might venture off to that unknown place in her absence, I anxiously told her to hurry up.  

Once she left, I stood by the door, ready to run out just in case things started to get weird, but he said my name and motioned to me to come closer. I remember thinking how surreal it was, knowing he’s dying and that he wants to communicate something on his death bed. Very cliché. 

I assumed he’d say something like, “Take care of Mom,” so I decided to help him out since he didn’t seem to have much energy left. I leaned in real close and just as I was getting ready to tell him “Don’t worry, Dad, we will always look after Mom,” he started to talk in a loud kind of whisper.

He went in an altogether different direction from what I expected and began to reflect on our relationship, bringing tears to my eyes. What’s remarkable is that as significant an exchange as it was, it almost didn’t take place.

Whether he planned in advance to say these things or it was a momentary impulse he went with, it was only possible because: 1 - I came to visit at that time of day, 2 - My mom stepped out, 3 - The siblings hadn’t come yet or had left, and 4 - he was still alive. 

I am so appreciative that not only did he speak his mind, but I had the opportunity to respond as well.   

This memory serves as an important reminder to tell loved ones and other special people how we feel NOW, while we have the chance.

Otherwise, it may never happen.